By Holy Feces
This is a very rough draft
Official, public domain v.999.hE11.a1
************Section 1, mostly a fictitious comic book****************************
**********Episode 1, Satan stumbles into virtual reality*****************************
*******************Captain Grandpa’s Bedtime Story*****************************
Captain Grandpa: “OK, OK, I’ve got a story for you. It’s a made up story. It’s not true. But there is a chance it will come true someday, so listen closely. This is the story of how the Grey Angel might be given The Land of Between.
If this story happens at all, it will happen at the close of Judgment Day. The souls of the really good people are already having a party in the Heart of Jesus. They are singing and dancing and eating and drinking and playing, with their friends. The poor souls of the damned have been stuffed into the royal footstool(perhaps to make it fluffier), You know the footstool that Jesus rests His feet on when he sits on His throne. But unfortunately, there are still millions and millions of souls with no where to go. They are souls that are too bad for Heaven but too good for Hell.
At the moment Jesus is about to rest His feet upon the footstool He appears to notice something amiss. Someone had spray painted graffiti all over the royal footstool. All is quite for a moment, then suddenly from out of the crowd of the homeless millions flies The Queen of the Grey Angels, her Grey wings flapping, her Grey robes billowing. She lands across the back of the royal footstool at the precise moment Christ is lowering His feet. As His feet touch her back, she turns into a blanket! She is a Grey angel on a white background, back to Heaven and a Grey angel on a black background facing Hell.
It is win, win, win, win. Jesus’ feet do not touch the offensive footstool, Satan gets a warm blanket, the homeless get a home, and The Queen, gets to spend eternity between two men she loves, and with millions and millions of new friends to cherish.”
Child: “OH! Baloney Sausage!”
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*********(click here to order black white and Grey acrylic Angel blanket $75.00)********
*** In the Grey light of Sheol***
**********************The Dance of the Sheol*********************
At the intersection of Life, Death, Heaven and Hell lies The Land of Between. It has long been frequented by shamans, witches, the mad and those awaiting a verdict. The top region abuts Heaven. The lower region abuts Hell. Sacred Light shines down from Heaven but it fades as it nears Hell. Sacred light causes a soul to be corporeal. Christ gave each Grey Angel a dim halo of Sacred Light, this enables their souls to be corporeal even when they venture thru Death to the very heart of Hell. The denizens of the mid region of the Land of Between, often think of the Grey Angels as moving street lamps. To the denizens of Hell the halo of a Grey Angels appears hardly brighter then a floor lamp.
******************( a brief message from a sponsor)**************************
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*(click here to order the “Twilight Model” Grey halo, an ideal gift for a loved one in Hell)*
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In the center of the Land Between, on special occasions, The Medicine Man of The Fuckarwee dances. He wears a headdress made of tar sand and grey goose feathers. It is topped with goat horns. He has blankets draped over his shoulders. Six Grey Angels beat their drums in unison, the Medicine Man sees a vision and chants “Jesus died for our sins. Amen”, the beat and the dance step are repeated ad infinitum. The Medicine Man dances around in a circle. He shakes a rattle. He sometimes stoops low, He sometimes spins. He never misses a beat. Saints of Jesus steady him by the arms as he dances round and round.
When a pilgrim enters the Land of In-Between, he(or she) will hear voices and see visions. The voices and visions come from the circles within the pilgrim’s heart and from within the heart circles of others. It is occasionally difficult for the pilgrim to tell which circles the voices and visions emanate from. The experience can be both confusing and terrifying.
If the pilgrim asks the Medicine Man for help the Medicine Man will give the pilgrim a goat headdress. And teach the pilgrim the chant and Dance of the Goat.
There is magic in the Dance of the Goat. There are Saints of Jesus that appreciate the beauty of the dance. They gather in the balconies and shower the dancers with tokens.
While dancers dance and drummers drum, between prayers and visions they share common daydreams.
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*********Some Gossip Concerning Satan and the Queen of the Grey Angels***********
It is rumored that they once made a sacred vow to one another, “All that I have or ever will have, will be ours!” God respects such a vow. Satan was given Hell, the Queen was given The Between, they share regency.
Satan’s core “heart line” is trapped in the blackness of Hell. However Satan has a number of “heart lines” in the Between, mostly they do prayer and routine running of Hell work. However! One of Satan’s “heart lines” is that of the Queen’s “butler-personal care assistant-dog walker-floor scrubber“. As such his presence is required in her Penthouse Palace. The Penthouse Palace is so close to Heaven that the “heart lines” that dwell there are 89.33% alive. That’s more alive than a drunk earthling is.
The Queen for her part, helps Satan run the virtual reality games for Satan and the other poor souls whose core “heart lines” are trapped in the black recesses of Satan‘s heart.
It has been reported that both the Queen and Satan our delighted with their arrangement.
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**************Captain Satan’s Dream of Hell****************
************** The Satan of Mankind is Summoned***********
There were far too few stars twinkling in the sky on the night LOVE summoned the Satan of Mankind to the great hall, for a project review. He entered the great hall crawling on his hands and knees muttering “I know the project is behind schedule, but I need more direction. I’m not sure what you want me to do and I can’t find much help. I mean, I thought the damned would like some entertainment so I signed up some musicians and a few sports stars but when the entertainment arrived they couldn’t perform because they were dead. I mean, from my point of view, that’s the heart of the problem; the damned are dead and the dead can’t do anything. And I’m supposed to have them say “Oh God, I’m sorry!” over and over for all eternity. But they’re dead! They can’t say anything.” With that Satan began to weep.
From out of the Light of LOVE came one of the Christs. She was tall, red and had a long bifurcated tail. Satan of Mankind, from his vantage point close to the floor, noticed the tail and said to himself, “Cool!”.
The red Christ of the Rezatians shone with the LOVE of the billions of Rezatian souls that lived in Her heart.
She knelt beside whimpering Satan and said “Listen to my words, Satan of Mankind, and try to understand them! Human beings have two souls, a physical soul and a divine soul. As long as Our Love, The Holy Spirit, is in the divine soul, the divine soul will be alive. For as long as the hearts of the damned cry out, “ I’m sorry”, the Holy Spirit will not abandon them and their divine souls will be alive!”
She continued, “The divine soul can not access any of the physical senses but it can generate, send, and receive LOVE. My engineers will take advantage of that LOVE, and Rezatian technology, to create a virtual reality for the damned of mankind! A place were the damned can repent and grow in LOVE, LOVE for US and each other. You must return to earth to learn of their video games, board games, virtual realities, 3D glasses, avatars and concurrency. Near the end of your earthly life Saints will be in touch with you. You will be allowed to help set up The Game for, after all, you are to host The Game. Leave OUR presence now! You are still offensive to US!”
The Satan of Mankind’s heart was worried as he paced his lair. He fretted over his return to Earth. He wondered what 3D glasses and avatars were. He wondered if he needed a staff .
************ Satan‘s Return to Earth**********
A dream in progress……….
***! News Flash!, May 2011***
*************An Alternative Ending, Revelations 2************************
The first time the Gray Angel acknowledged that she knew his true identity they were nude in bed, and smoking Grey Metal Weed.
She: “OK so you’re going to be Satan. I will honor you by sacrificing Frisco to you. I will cut out his beating heart and offer it to you!”
This news at first shocked Satan Elect. Of all the Grey Angels lap dogs Frisco was the only one he cared about. The initial shock of the threat receded when Satan Elect realized that it was a joke and an acknowledgement that she knew who he is. This realization caused Satan Elect to burst into hysterical laughter. He laughed so hard he fell to the floor and rolled around. After a moment Satan Elect crawled back on the bed and across Angel’s lap. She raised her hands towards the ceiling and cried out an ancient prayer “OH LORD, WHY ME?” As she prayed she wept and her tears fell upon the back of Satan Elect. The effect was electric. Satan Elect knelt on the floor beside Angel.
He: “As a child, I believe the Lord promised me I would be the anointed one for this time. I have been waiting for an Angel to anoint me. Now you have anointed me with your sacred tears. Now I can write Holy writ! I am going to write an alternative ending to the Bible. Let people decide which ending they like! I have always thought the Book Of Revelations is mostly horseshit! Only a complete idiot would wage war against God. Here is the new story line….The AntiChrist comes to earth, wages a private war against Christ…then he is captured by his own Grey Angels!”
She: “Turn off the light, shut up and get in bed, Big Dumb Thing!”
****(click here to vote for Revelations I)***(click here to vote for Revelations II)*****
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************ The Outermost Darkness**********
If Satan had eyes, all he would see is blackness. He knew his sojourn on Earth had ended badly. “Oh God, I am sorry”. This cry became Satan’s mantra, and the rhythm of his cry became a substitute for the beat of his missing heart. Time passed, perhaps seconds, perhaps years. Satan’s imagination heard a voice, “Hello in there. Any body home?”. Startled, Satan replied, “Are you real, or are you in my imagination?”. “Uh, both I guess.” came the reply.
“Listen Satan. My name is Paz. I’m one of the Rezatian Technician Angels sent by Holy Spirit. We’re here to expand your Holy Spirit bandwidth, install a quantum core computer, install software, and train you, and the Grey Angels, when they arrive.”
Perplexed, Satan snorted. Paz, The Technician inquired, “You are to be the host for the damned, aren‘t you?. Hey, I‘m at the right soul aren‘t I? You are to be the footstool for the Christ of Mankind, aren’t you?” Satan was quiet for a moment and then responded, “ The Queen and her crew are my staff?”
Paz: ”Well, maybe.”
It took a lot of explaining, but eventually Satan caught on. The damned have a choice. They may stay in the outermost darkness or have a virtual life in Hell. The costs of staying in Hell are paid with Angel Tokens. Angel Tokens are tokens of Love. Given to the damned when their soul cries out, “I’m sorry!”. With those Tokens, the souls of the damned are allowed to play The Game of Hell. The Game allows the literally dead to be virtually alive. The Gamers experience a virtual life through their avatar, the game piece that they hop, skip and dance about Hell.
As it is written in the Holy Book of the long gone planet Rezat…
“Your enemies shall be made your footstools.
LOVE your enemies, so that they may be made worthy of Your LOVE and grow to LOVE YOU in return.”
******************Hit the Ground Running***************************
Satan sat on his throne (Costco $179.00) on the holo deck and sent his heart out searching for the hearts of his staff. He found them safe and sound back on Earth. Three of them were engaged in a rather interesting activity but Satan did not have the time to pay attention. He was on a strict budget. Time cost Tokens.
Satan: “Ah Number One! I’ve found you!”
#1: “Oh shit”
Satan “Please open your heart to me!”
#1: “Oh shit”
Satan: “Please don‘t swear. It might be a sin. But I don‘t think it‘s a mortal sin.”
#1: “Oh shit!’
Satan: “I’ll be back tomorrow. Try to get some sleep now.”
The following night…
Satan: ”Hello Number One.”
#1: “Oh shit.”
Satan: “Please treat me with a little more respect. I am the Chief Rabbi of Hell, The Grand Ayatollah of Hell and The Pope of Hell! I’m the only one allowed to play those roles.”
#1: “Oh Holy Shit!”
Satan: “I’ve missed you so.”
#1: “Oh cuss”
Satan: “I’ll be back tomorrow night with a present for you. Good night.”
#1: “What ever”
The following night…
Satan: ”Hello Number One.”
#1: “Greetings, Oh Holy Cuss.”
Satan: “Thank you! You never know, children might be listening.”
#1: “You said a present? I can hardly wait.”
Satan: “Please no sarcasm. Your job will be a serious one. I’ve brought one of your avatars. Actually you have thousands of avatars. You are going to be one of the busiest souls in Hell. You are going to help sinners with their prayers. You and others of your job classification will count the tear drops, so that the proper number of Tokens are deposited into the accounts.”
#1: “I got to run to the bathroom.”
The following night…
Satan: “Knock Knock”
#1: “Oh, please!”
Satan: “OK, you say Knock Knock.”
#1: “Oh, please stop it.”
Satan; “Number One, I’ve brought one of your avatars. Use your imagination to project your heart into it.”
The avatars of Satan and the avatar of Number One stared into each others “sun” glasses, as tears streamed down their avatar’s faces.
Satan: “Out of time. Must earn Tokens. Back tomorrow”
The following night…
Satan: “I brought your avatar or you can just stay in bed. I just need to talk to you and you need to listen. OK? Please!”
#1: “I’ll stay in bed and listen”
Satan “Thanks. OK I’m in over my head. I have to answer to the Board of the Saints of Jesus, and they can’t stand me! I have to crawl into the board meetings in my hands and knees. I’m not allowed to look up. They send me all sorts of memos that I can’t understand. Here is one I got yesterday ‘And each atom of hurt shall be washed away with seven tears of sorrow.’ What does that even mean? Tears and atoms are different units. Oh and some Angels want to deposit Tokens in investment accounts for their loved ones in Hell. We don’t have a bank and I can’t think of what to invest Tokens in that will earn any sort of return. If I call a board meeting and ask for guidance they drive me away with hostile vibrations. The Saints would talk to my staff I know it. I want my staff and I need them to be able to hit the ground running. Holy Spirit has agreed to let us have the low cost, friends, family and coworkers, party line, plan. Seven of us will be able to talk at one low rate. So I need you to meet me here tomorrow night at midnight with the five others who you think should be on the inner staff of the high command of Hell. That’s seven right? You me and five others, yah that’s seven. Satan here over and out!
The following night…
#1: “I thank all of you for coming tonight. As I mentioned in my email, he has contacted me the last three nights. He wants to talk to us. He is just a demented spirit, but he is such a pest, I figured it best we all get together. He said he would contact me at midnight”
The clock strikes 12:00
#1: “OK he is online now… He wants us to build a, Holy Spirit resonating, satellite dish. He says we are to sit in a circle facing out…OK…He wants us to hold hands and lie down…He wants us touch feet…No no…He wants us to touch our feet to our neighbors feet…Now listen”
Satan: “Holy Spirit, I beg you to connect me with my staff, please, amen.”
Operator: “That will be three Token for each five minutes. Please deposit your Tokens now”
Clink, clink, clink
Satan: “Can you hear me now! Can you hear me now! If you can here me either I’m Satan or you’ve gone mad. Wait a second ! Number One either they can hear me or not, so the ‘if you can hear me’ part is just redundant? Right?”
#1: “Maybe they have the audio book, or maybe they‘re reading the free online version Tell them the price list! The illustrated PDF is $3.00, The hardcopy is $20.00 and the autographed hardcopy version either signed by you or one of your staff acting on your behalf is only $100.00.”
***********(click here to place your order.)***************
******************The Star Ship Capricorn’s Maiden Voyage************
The Star Ship Capricorn cruises through the blackness. The Captain and the crew are on the command deck. They lock tractor beams on the lost souls that have connected with the Holy Spirit. He glances at his crew and notices Number One’s smile. He returns the smile. He thinks how hot she looks with those cute little devil horns and he admires her “Twilight Model“ Grey halo.
As Captain Satan turned back to stare into the outermost darkness, he caught site of his reflection in the window. The magnificent horns of an angora buck, the familiar Mediterranean visage and the 3D glasses, those obligatory glasses that make the virtual life possible and yet constantly remind the owners of the avatars that wear them, that they are in fact, literally dead.
Captain Satan’s thoughts are interrupted.
#1: “Captain, isn’t it time for Cerberus‘s walk?”
#All: laughter
************
Satan’s heart, beats like a drum.
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******************Future Episodes***********************
****Episode 2, Paint Your Castle*****************
In this episode Satan and the Grey Angels attempt to save Hell from financial ruin, in time worn Hollywood fashion the team decides to put on a musical.
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Grey Angels, even their avatars can read each others thought bubbles. The avatars of three Grey Angels(Sammy, Harley and Gingerella)were on a mission. As they approached the Office of the V.R. Games Director, Gingerella’s thought bubble flashed “He’s going to fall for this like a ton of bricks”. The Grey Angels couldn’t control their giggles as they knocked on the door.
Satan: “Enter”
Grey Angle Harley: “Uh hum excuse me Boss.”
Satan: “Yes?”
Grey Angle Harley: “I’ve been going over the books, and I am sorry to say that the Virtual Reality Games are about to go from a Token earner to a Token loser. We are going broke.”
Satan: “Explanation please.”
Grey Angel Sammy: “We have purchased two expensive new games, “Spear Fishing in the Lake of Fire” and “Snowball Fight at Fort Penguin”. These games are already popular and will eventually generate a profit, but…”
Grey Angle Harley: “And those “Have a Free Day in Hell‘s Arcade” coupons, you give out. Virtual Reality costs Tokens.
I would take out a loan to cover the Token shortfall but it seems that bank of Hell is on the verge of insolvency. They have requested a bailout. They evidently made some bad investments in virtual real-estate.”
All three Grey Angels speak in unison: “What should we do now Boss?”
Satan: “The prayers of the damned are already generating maximum Tokens. The only source of surplus Tokens are the pockets of the White Halos. We need an idea that will get them to come down here and spend some…Oh, OH! I’ve got it. We will put on musicals! Oh I see it, a new game, We will divide Hell up into teams, we will build sets, write scripts, music, songs choreography. I love it! I’ll be the director of our team.”….
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***********(click here to order the complete “Episode 2” $4.50)***************
*********Episode 3, A Light Bulb In Hell*******************
I am sorry to say that I see the graphics for this story so strongly that I am afraid I’m plagiarizing the story. If I am I apologize to the original author.
In this episode Satan teams up with former Nazi scientists to clandestinely build a “Sacred Light” light bulb. But when the switch is flipped Satan and accomplices are in for a surprise.
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****Episode 4, Satan Saves Earth*********
Befuddled Satan confuses “reality” with “virtual reality” and comes to the conclusion that Earth is facing destruction. Satan believes that only he and the Grey Angels can save their beloved planet and postpone Judgment Day.
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****Episode 5, “Shut Up or We’ll Kill You!”****
In this episode, delusional Satan thinks he’s Scheherazade. Satan loves his costume but everyone hates his stories.
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****Episode 6: Hotter than Hell? Colder than Hell?***
Befuddled Satan can’t figure out the thermostat.
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The radiator: “Your story is mumble… mumble ..gurgle… and Twenty Percent Horseshit.”
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*** If you would like to donate to the “Get Satan a Grey Halo, Fund” click here***
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************Light Bringer*********************************
This is a story I overheard while speaking to myself. It seems Jesus had relatives that raised goats a short distance from town. Goats, as many of the worlds poor know, will survive on pasture that other animals can not. Well any way, Jesus’ family would frequently spend the Sabbath with their kin. Jesus would play with His cousins. He particularly enjoyed ridding in the goat cart. The cart was a child’s amusement built to look like a chariot.
Now it is said that when He returns He intends to arrive on a goat cart! And the lead goat is to be Light Bringer!
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***********************A Sinners Vignette*********************
In his heart, a sinner imagines he stands before God and says “I am sorry”. This vignette has been played in the hearts of millions. This happens when a Catholic goes to confession and when a Jew prays on Yom Kippur and I have no doubt that God Loving sinners of all religious backgrounds turn to God and say “I am sorry”. I believe the worse the sins, the more difficult it is for the sinner to “stand” before God, and I further believe, with out doubt, the worse sins a human being can commit are sins that cause harm to the ones God Love.
How is God to interface with sinners if not though His Love for those who are the victims of sin?
The New Testament presents Christ as both the interface between man and God and the very embodiment of those God Loves.
This relationship is clearly seen in Christ’s sermon on charity (Matt:25, included below)
Whether the sin is a sin of omission or a sin a sin of commission the relationship between the sinner and God is the same, our relationship with others is our relationship with God, thru His Love for us whom Christians call Jesus Christ.……………..
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
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********Section 2, mostly cute with some ugliness**********************
***Cookie1: Be careful when choosing imaginary friends.***
****************Spring Ephemerals********************************
**********Big Brother and Grandma Jewish***********************
As a child I noticed both remarkable similarities and differences between my two sets of grandparents. One similarity between my grandmothers was how they greeted their grandchildren; they would bend over so they could look us in the eyes, and firmly, but gently they pinched our cheeks, smiled, called us by nicknames, and then kissed us. It would be many decades before my intellect could understand the gesture, but even as a child my “heart” understood its meaning instantly, “I am the matriarch, I have power over you, I raised one of your parents and I know every kid trick, stay out of trouble, be good and I might give you a cookie , oh and I love you.”
I was not alone in noticing this gesture. One day after returning from visiting one set of grandparents my older brother said to me, “Have you ever noticed that only Jewish grandmothers pinch their grandchildren’s cheeks? I think I’ll name that pinch a Grandma Jewish.”
He chased me around the room, we both were laughing, I think.
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*******Magic trick #7, How a dragon learns to read the mind of St. George***********
Upon hearing that a dragon was terrorizing the village, Saint George put on his shiniest armor, mounted his fastest charger and took a lance in pursuit. It did not take long for Saint George to locate and subdue the dragon. Saint George drove his lance into the dragon’s heart. The immobilized dragon did not die. Whenever the dragon had a thought that pleased Saint George, Saint George would back out the lance, thus relieving some of the dragons pain. But whenever the dragon thought a thought that displeased Saint George, the lance went deeper into the dragon’s heart.
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**********BB Gun Eye***************************
Mother: “He’s here again.”
Child: “I don’t want to see him. I hate him. I’ll never forgive him.”
Mother: “You don’t have to forgive him, just let him tell you he’s sorry.”
Child: “Why? Why should I do that!”
Mother: “So Jesus will be less angry with him.”
Child: “I’m glad Jesus is angry with him!”
Mother: “Maybe Jesus doesn’t like to be angry.”
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***********Saturday Morning Magic Tricks*************
**********Saturday Morning Magic Trick#1*************
Child: “Chriss Cross, Double Cross, Ghosts get lost!”
Grandpa: “What are you mumbling about?”
Child: “It’s magic, to keep ghosts away.”
Grandpa: “Hmm Chriss Cross? Double Cross? Oh, I see how that magic works. Chriss Cross Double Cross is a reference to Jesus Christ, and you don’t need to be frightened of anything that is super natural like ghosts, witches and vampires. Jesus Christ is in charge of everything that is supernatural and Jesus loves you!”
Grandma: “Good one Grandpa.”
Grandpa: “I think that Jesus is the greatest magician ever. And the only magic he uses is Love magic. Oh I’ll give you an example. Look at that picture of us on the wall. When we hug sometimes our hearts can feel each others Love. Right?”
Child: “Yes Grandpa.”
Grandpa: “Well not only can Jesus touch your heart, He goes into your heart and sits there so quietly that you forget He’s there until you do something wrong and then He shouts at you!”
Child: Laughter
Grandpa: “Some people say Jesus is the greatest magician, other people say His Father is the greatest magician, still other people say Jesus and His Father are One and the Same!”
Child: “How can Jesus and His Father be one and the same?”
Grandpa: “It’s a Love Magic Trick, I guess.”
Some time passes…
Child: “Grandpa! Look at this hair!”
The child hands the old man what appears to be a long thick single strand of hair.
Grandpa: “I’ve never seen a hair like this! It’s so thick and if I hold up to light I see so many colors! I’ll save it for Grandma.”
As the old man tries to put the hair into a cup, the hair separates. The old man realizes he has a dozen strands of hair that have been glued together with child spit. He laughs and laughs.
Child: “That’s a good magic trick isn’t it Grandpa! I made you laugh!”
Grandpa: “Yes it is!”
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**********The HairSpray Magic***************************
The movie is paused while the popcorn is popping.
Grandpa: “I love this movie! It’s funny, it teaches people to get along, the music makes me happy”
Child: “It has magic”
Grandpa: “Yes! Good magic”
Child: “Is the popcorn done?”
Grandpa: “Not yet. And the acting is incredible. How long do you think it took John Travolta to put on that costume and makeup? Hours I bet. And then he has to pretend that he is Tracy’s mother. With the costume and the makeup and the acting, the trick works! And we believe that John Travolta is Tracy’s mom! Wow! But listen Morgan some times there is a trick within the trick, and the actor becomes like the role he or she plays. Why do you think people say to you “Act like a young lady” or “Stop acting like a brat”, they want you to turn into a young lady and not a brat! Wow what a trick!”
Child: “Popcorn!”
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**********The Disappearing Egg and the Curse of the Blue Flowers**********
*****************The Curse of the Blue Flowers*******************
He never had anything against the blue flowers, it’s just they were an embarrassment. When everyone else’s lawn turned green his turned blue. His yard would be blue for a month and then the flowers would disappear as suddenly as they had appeared. This magic trick happened every April, usually in time for his birthday and Easter.
For decades he battled the blue flowers, always the first one on the block to mow his lawn. When he was in his eighties he conceded defeat, the flowers had won.
His ninety third birthday coincided with Easter. He always considered the alignment of his birthday with Easter to be a special event signaling a propitious year. He accepted the offer to walk around block with a son-in-law and a grandson, as they walked past the front yard he smiled to his blue flowers, as they walked past his neighbors’ yards he noticed the blue flowers had been slowly spreading around the block and he chuckled, when a stranger stopped him to ask for permission to dig up a few of the bulbs he laughed.
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*************The Disappearing Easter Egg Trick*****************
Mother: “I am not going to hide Easter Eggs for you tomorrow!”
Sobbing Child: “God Loves me! And he wants you to hide Easter Eggs for me!”
Mother: “God Loves Fred and I don’t think He wanted you to spit in Fred’s face!”
Sobbing Child: “Grandpa! Grandpa! Momma won’t hide Easter eggs!”
No Easter eggs bloomed on Great Grandpa’s lawn that April.
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**************Perfect Daffodils*******************
She: “Did you notice the daffodils?”
He: “They’re lovely, they’re perfect”
She: “They’ll stay perfect too, all summer. The rabbits ate most of them, so I replaced them with artificial daffodils. No one has noticed the difference. I just hope the rabbits don’t eat the peas.”
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*****To order… “Let Jesus be your imaginary friend.” bumper sticker click here *********
***
******Section 4, preaching from the gutter********
**********This Section has an X rating. You must be 18 or older to enter********
***************The Underpants Magic Trick********************
An old man was worried that his wife no longer loved him, so everyday, when his wife was not around, he would kiss the crotch of a pair of her underpants.
The trick worked, this is how….
When the old man kisses the crotch of a pair of his wife’s underpants, he can not help but to think of her lovingly. This increases his love for her. The wife, like many women is a reflexive lover. She can’t help but to love back, anyone who loves her.
***********************************************************
*********************A Letter to Jimmy*******************************
She: “You sent that story to Jimmy? How dare you! You shit! What is Jimmy going to think of me? He is going to think I am as big of a pervert as you are! You tell him it’s not so!”
He: “Jimmy is our friend. He’ll laugh over the story. But I’ll tell him that the story is not an accurate reflection of your values. OK?”
She: “Turn off that light and get into bed!”
Time passes, a voice in the dark…
She: ““…love back, anyone who loves her.” … cute, but you’re still a shit.”
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***
*****************Silly Rabbi and Other Stories********************
****** A Real Example of the Form***********************
This is a real “Yiddish” Rabbi story. It is not a story of mine, it was told to me by my rabbi when I was a child. I think it is an interesting and clever story and I include it because more people should know it, and I am going to attempt to write a story or two using the format……….
The rabbi was asked… “Rabbi can I work while I pray. I mean, I could get so much more done if I could work while I pray”
The rabbi thought for a moment and said “No! It is disrespectful of God if you do something other than pray when you’re praying.”
Late that afternoon while the rabbi was walking home he saw a man praying while he was picking oranges and the rabbi thought….
“Maybe it is a sin to work while you are praying but it is a blessing to pray while you are working.”
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***************A Silly Rabbi Story*****************************
An old rabbi was walking home after a hard day of thinking, praying and drinking tea with jam. He was stopped on the street by a women of his congregation, and asked this question….
“Rabbi I occasionally masturbate. Does God approve of masturbation?”
The old rabbi thought a moment and said…
“I don’t know if God approves of people masturbating, but he must tolerate it, otherwise Heaven would be empty of everyone past the age of puberty. And THAT is just too silly to contemplate.”
The woman thought a moment and than said “Rabbi, Do you think its OK to masturbate while…..”
**************************************************************
*************A Brief Explanation is Required Here*******************
After his confession, the youth met me on the steps and said… “I told him that I had touched myself with sinful intent. I have to say 3 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers, and not to do it again!”
I believe that what we feel as true guilt is in fact God’s anger. I also believe that the guilt my friend felt was not from God but from the teachings of his church and parents. They wanted him to do only what God approves of, but we are human and sometimes we do things that God does not approve of but tolerates. For us to try to guess what God will tolerate and what He won’t, is required of us, and it is also the proverbial slippery slope.
Abortion, gay marriage, war and foreign policy what does God approve of, and what will God tolerate. We pray to ask God for guidance. We listen to the small voice in our hearts. I find that to be like hearing voices in the murmur of the breeze or in the gurgle of a radiator.
*************************************************************
*****************Silly Rabbi Story #5******************
The rabbi was preparing for a speech. He was having difficulty with the phrase “brotherly love”, he knew the phrase is sexist. Fortunately for the rabbi, his wife is not only a feminist, she is also a badge carrying member of the grammar police. He asked her the following…
“I can’t say ‘brotherly love’, it’s sexist, ‘brotherly and sisterly love’, sounds too politically correct. I can’t use the sibling thing because siblingly isn’t a word, ‘sibling love’ makes sense but shouldn’t it be ‘siblingly love’. Yesterday my own big brother called me ‘sib’. Is that a word? How about ‘sib love’?
The rabbi’s wife sat wide eyed, mouth agape and for once, speechless.
***********************************************
***Cookie2: Sometimes the best place to pray is the basement.***
***
**********************2 Stories 4 Angel******************************
In our house, hanging above a door is a painting of a flying, red haired, angel blowing a trumpet. The story is that the angel is heralding the following …. “We caught His goat! He must be near!”
That story reminds me so much of a story Mr. Clauson told me in 8th grade…..
One Sunday Mr. Clauson decided to go for a walk in the country. He came upon a boy with a shovel franticly digging into the biggest pile of horseshit Mr. Clauson had ever seen. Overcome with curiosity Mr. Clauson asked the boy what he was doing. The boy paused and said “I KNOW with this much horseshit, there JUST HAS TO BE a pony in here! Someplace.”
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****************News from the Alpha Quadrant*****************************
She had only been on the new job for a month when she was asked to give a presentation on her ideas for the user interface. She knew the SRC UI subcommittee would appreciate her ideas, after all she has worked in the industry for decades. She was computer savvy. Her husband had COERCED her into learning EasyScript on their Commodore 64, back in the days when Ronald Raygun was the president. Perhaps she was overconfident because she forgot to turn off her instant messaging software. The room fell silent when a box popped up on the overhead screen and asked the question “Who is Big Dumb Thing?”
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***************************E-Mail 1*******************************
SUBJECT [ Step 1 ]
1.) bring me a candy bar
***************************E-Mail 2*****************************
SUBJECT [ alpha beta soup ]
Here are all the possible combinations for a monogamous couple:
1.) alpha male, beta female
2.) alpha male, beta male
3.) alpha female, beta male
4.) alpha female, beta female
5.) alpha male, alpha male
6.) beta male, beta male
7.) alpha female, alpha female
8.) beta female, beta female
I think the first 4 relationships tend to be the most stable.
When an alpha wrongs a beta the alpha should perform the following ritual..
1.) give the beta a gift.
2.) tell the beta your sorry
3.) seduce the beta
4.) reassure the beta of your love
I know this is hard for you to do because you hate to picture yourself as a husband (a man, YUCK). But this ritual is an obligation for all thoughtful alphas, think of it as an unpleasant household task, but you should do it.
With love and longing
***************************E-Mail 3*******************************
SUBJECT [ more soup ]
It just occurred to me that alpha-beta couples trend towards marriage and, beta-beta and alpha-alpha couples trend towards friendship.
***************************E-Mail 4*******************************
SUBJECT [ soup and crackers ]
Why can't I hold the remote control? When we are together, Why can't I drive the car? Why don't you wash my socks?
You are the alpha. I am the beta. Accept it and love me. I love you.
***************************E-Mail 5*******************************
SUBJECT [ RE: soup and crackers ]
Quit spamming me. We’ll talk when I get home. What’s for dinner?
I love you.
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************************Name Calling******************************
She: “This has gone far enough! Name calling is how we dehumanize our perceptions of others. It’s wrong, it‘s a sin. From now on I will not call you Ass Hole or Dick Head or Big Dumb Thing. And you will not call me Fat Chick! We are acting like 7 year olds. OMG! Oh my God! Is this our second childhood?”
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***
********************The Cooks Perspective***************************
“Oh hello Xena, I haven’t seen you for awhile. I get it. You didn’t come to see me, you’re just hoping that I drop something. Well listen to me Cute One, if you really want to be my friend I expect you to be my friend all day long, not just when I’m cooking or going out the door!”
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**************************Not Funny********************************
Is it global warming or Junebug trickery?
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Moths are drawn to the porch light.
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Junebugs are drawn to the porch light.
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Bats and cats are drawn to the porch light.
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Bats, cats and spiders are drawn to the moths.
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Raccoons and Morgan are drawn to the Junebugs.
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I’ll bet you tokens to dollars that the world does not end on May 21,2011
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Some jokes are knee slappers some are forehead slappers.
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The sound of forehead slapping.
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The sound of one hand clapping.
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***********(click here to place your bet.)**********
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***
********************Magnolia Magic Trick #14 ***********************
He: “The petals drop revealing the new leaves of summer.”
She: “I noticed the same thing! Write it, and I will illustrate it for you.”
[artwork to go here]
**********Fishing Magic trick #12************************************
If you are feeling queasy, lean over the side of the boat and vomit. It will attract fish.
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??????can you fix this………
**************Rasputin’s Samovar*****************
Did you notice how my sister is trying to lay claim to the samovar? It is mine she told me to take it, she’ll try to tell you she only loaned it to me… Well I double claim it…. granddaughter…realize…and…
Did you notice how both sisters brought up the Antique Road Show?…..
Antique Road Show…valuable… under the stamp of the czar it says….and Rasputin’s samovar …legendary …. reported Rasputin boiled tea with hellfire…sipped tea…told stories…a great story teller.
That samovar never did belong to Rasputin, but it is mine!
********************************************************
*******2 Prayers that I Have Found Helpful********
***Prayer 1***
Hold up a cup of red wine and say..
“Lord, I drink this in remembrance of You!”
Drink the wine.
***Prayer 2***
Hold up a cup of red wine and say..
“Blessed are You, the Lord our God, King of the Universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine.”
Drink the wine.
***
I am such a sinner, that some nights, I feel a need to pray all night long.
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*
******Speaking in Tongues****************
Some things just can’t be said in Common English. They must spoken in Expletive English.
“Up yours! Kiss my ass! You prick! Quit fucking with me! You bitch! Take this job and…!”
The language of expletives and hand gestures reveal a hidden S&M aspect of human nature.
****************************************
&
*****************A Red Wine Prayer****************************
I, as a convert to Christianity, have wondered about the significance of God’s Human Avatar, allowing Himself to die as a victim in a cruel and sadistic execution. Christ allowed his own execution to happen. Jesus Christ, the Human Avatar of God allowed His own execution, and accepted the punishment not for His sins, but ours. Furthermore, why did and does Jesus ask His followers to imagine that they are partaking of His Flesh an His Blood while they eat the bread and drink the wine of the Holy Communion?
I find it distasteful to imagine that I am eating His Flesh and drinking His Blood when I eat bread and drink red wine in remembrance of Him. So instead I occasionally say a prayer like the following…..
“Oh Lord, I, do to a quirk of evolution, have the instincts of a sadistic cannibal beast. And I thank You Lord for pointing that out to me and I ask for Your help in controlling that beast. I am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I Thank You for Your sacrifice and I hope You forgive me for any of my sins that are forgivable…”
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*
******
*************The Children of Light***********************************
In the days before people knew that God is Love, some of them thought that God is Light. This belief arose among them in the following way…
A rabbi named Cohen, had a very near death experience. I can’t say whether Cohen soul drew close to God or God drew close to Cohen soul, but because Cohen was a Jew, he did not think it would be appropriate to look into the Face of God, so when God spoke to him, Cohen shut his eyes as tightly as he could. Later when Cohen told the story to his students he said…
“And I felt I was in the presence of an intense light. Even now if I close my eyes and face the sun, I recall an echo of what it was like to stand before God….”
Cohen’s students began to pray in the sunlight. They would close their eyes, face the sun and pray. They became known as “The Children of Light”. The really funny part of the story is this…When Jesus finally did come, some of the Children of Light recognized Him with their eyes shut, and nobody knows what God told Cohen.
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************Stress Crack #1***************
The difference between dying in ones sleep and waking up dead, is a matter of perspective.
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********Fortune Cookie #4******************
If you want your fortune to come to pass. Eat your cookie fortune and all.
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******************************************************************************
*****Section 3, still incomplete*****************************
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
The following are some of my thoughts on the Bible and the human condition, it is not yet completed……..
*************Under Construction, Hard Hat Required, Caution! Falling Logic*************
***The Heart***
When speaking of emotions, psychologists speak of the subconscious, evolutionary biologists speak of primitive brain structures, and the ancients and many modern people refer to the “heart“.
We humans have mapped the surface of Earth, the floor of the sea, the moon and Mars. We have created CT, MRI and PET scans of the human brain yet the human spiritual heart and soul is virtually uncharted. The following essays are my attempt to use introspection and the Bible to speculate about the terrain of the human “heart”.
For years now an argument has been on going concerning abortion. From the perspective of religious people the argument can be reduced to this question “When does a person acquire a soul?” Is it at conception? During gestation? At birth? Some time during infancy? I don’t know the answer, but I love the question, because every one that asks that question, implicitly acknowledges the position that human beings have a soul. Furthermore, if a person believes in heaven, hell, nirvana and or reincarnation he or she must be basing that belief on the on the belief that the human soul maybe immortal. But by what logical construct can we imagine that we have an immortal soul? The Christian perspective is that it is God’s Love that makes a human soul immortal, and the abortion debate can be rephrased as follows… When does God’s Love enter the human “heart”? If one accepts that God’s Love is in their “heart” then we have found the first and most important landmark in this attempt to map the “heart”.
Our “heart” is the origin of our loves and hates, our longings, our fears, our joys, and our sorrows. This article discusses some aspects of the human “heart” and uses the Bible to search for insight into its nature.
*** The Bible, Adam and Eve***
I view the Bible as a matrix of history and myth interspersed with the word of God, like precious gems embedded in granite. Genesis, the first book of the Bible, begins with a creation myth but quickly turns into an interesting commentary on mankind’s relationship with God. Adam and Eve are instructed not eat of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. What is the human conscience if not the knowledge of good and evil? How could Adam and Eve have known that it was wrong to eat the fruit from the “Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil”, until after they had eaten that fruit? A conundrum. Even more interesting is that God expels Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden before they find The Tree of Life and eat its fruit; the Tree of Life (the cross of Christ) and it’s fruit (the Holy Communion) do not appear in the Bible until the New Testament. From the beginning of the Old Testament, the New Testament, with its offer of eternal life thru absolution from sin, is foreshadowed …“Then the Lord said, ‘Behold man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and lest he stretch out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever’”(Gen.3:22) “So the Lord drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim, and the flaming sword which turned every direction, to guard the way to the tree of life”(Gen.3:24)
***Circles of the Heart and The Circle Game***
Our subconscious “heart” draws circles of inclusion……….
Circles of friends, family circle, circles of trust, circles of love…
“ Can the circle be unbroken
Bye and bye, Lord, bye and bye
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky” (The Carter Family)
Many people use the shape of a circle to organize the deeply felt emotions of the heart. The Circle Game is an attempt to visualize the organization of these emotional relationships. There seem to me to be types circles within our hearts, circles of love, circles of hate, love of self, hatred of self, love of God, hatred of God and more. These circles can be defined by what lies within them and the nature of their boundary circumference as well as the effect the circle has on our personalities and our relationships with others.
***Circles of Love***
The boundary of a “circle of love” is defined by how much we are prepared to suffer for those whose names are inscribed within the circle.
Is there anyone to whom you would give five dollars? If so, imagine you draw a circle and write the names of those people inside of the five dollar circle. Which, if any, of those people would you give a thousand dollars to? Put another circle inside the first and put their names within it. Is there anyone to whom you would give everything you have? If so, now draw the bull's eye circle. The circle is defined by a willingness to perform an act of self sacrifice. The greater the sacrifice, the closer the circle to the center, the bulls eye. You would be a bone marrow donor for whom? If needed to whom would you give a kidney? Is there anyone you would run into a burning building to try to save? Is there anyone for whom you would die? According to the New Testament, Christ said “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13) The Circle Game can get complicated with concentric circles, overlapping circles, and circles in orbit of inner circles. The circles are often a statement about how much we are prepared to suffer to prevent suffering to those whose names we inscribe. A circle boundary might say “I will work 40 hours a week so those named within this circle will not know want.” A question that arises to me is.. “Is knowledge of suffering necessary to define love?”.
***
*******The Circle of Self Love*****
If I were to define “original sin” it would be selfishness. We all come into the world as helpless babes, totally dependent on others. Babies want what they want, and they want it now. If a child’s emotional development is not interrupted, the child will develop the capacity to care for others. Parents and other caregivers can see this happen as the child begins to act in ways that show caring.
It is human to have a circle of self love. The circle of self love contains circles of “I Want This”. Inscribed within these circles is written an objective, such as “A new car”. Along the perimeter of the circle is written what we will do to achieve the objective. Example, Perimeter: I will get a second job to achieve… Objective: (A new car)
These circles are similar to a type of prayers….
Oh God;
Let me win the lottery (the objective)
And
I will give half the money to the poor ( the perimeter)
What is the cost to achieve a desire? Are there desires that are so strong that one would sacrifice their soul to achieve it?
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***Circles of Disrespect, racism, sexism, etc..***************
????????????????
***Circles of Hate***
The boundary of a “circle of hate” is defined by how much we would like to cause suffering to those whose names are inscribed within the circle.
Hate Al Qaeda? Hate Nazis? Hate the insurance company that denied your claim? Hate the one that hurt you? Hate the one that hurt your loved one? Sentiments like these may reflect circles of hate within the heart. The magnitude of the circle is defined by how much harm you hope will befall those whose names are within the circle. It is possible to have concentric circles of hate, “Who would I like to yell at? Who would I like to slap? Who would I like to hit? Who would I like to…?”
Christ taught “love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt.5:44) That teaching conflicts with circles of hate, and circles of hate if acted on become vengeance.
The Bible warns people away from vengeance. It claims that vengeance belongs to the Lord. “For we know Him who said ‘Vengeance is Mine. I will repay.’”(Heb.10:30). God will take vengeance on sinners in the afterlife but in this life there is one name God has placed within a circle of “protective” vengeance. That name is the name of the murderer, Cain.
***The story of Cain and Abel***
The story of Cain and Able, as commonly understood, is this. Adam and Eve’s first child was Cain. Cain was the first farmer, a tiller of the soil. Adam and Eve’s second child was Abel, a keeper of the flocks. Cain and Abel made offerings to God. “And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering: but for Cain and his offering He had no regard. So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell” (Gen.4:4&5 New American Standard Bible) God’s blessings fell on Abel and not Cain. God warns the angry Cain that sin is waiting for him but he can master it. Cain fails to master his sinful impulses and murders his brother, Abel. When God asks Cain where his brother Abel is, Cain, in some type of denial, replies to God “Am I my brothers keeper?”. God then curses Cain. The earth will no longer yield its bounty for farmer Cain and he is destined to be a vagabond and a restless wanderer (some Bibles translate “restless” as “ceaseless“) of the earth. Cain protests and God says to him ‘“Therefore whoever kills Cain, vengeance will be taken on him sevenfold.” And the Lord appointed a sign for Cain so that no one finding him would slay him.’ (New American Standard Bible, Gen.4:15).
***The Book of Job***
The vilest possible circle of hate is one that has “GOD” inscribed in it’s center. Perhaps the first step in creating such a circle is to curse God.
The Book of Job is a fable, a parable designed to show the importance of not allowing your heart to grow angry with God despite anything that may befall you. God and his agent, Satan, try to provoke Job to curse God in anger. Satan urges God… “However, put forth thy hand now and touch his bone and his flesh; he will curse Thee to Thy face.” (Job 2:5) Job’s life becomes so wretched that his wife urges him “Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9) Job deals with his ordeal philosophically and never curses God in anger.
Was Cain angry with God for not blessing his offering? Job was not angry with God even when he was cursed. But what of those who are afflicted and less able to cope with affliction than Job was? Do those whose lives seem cursed, in turn ever curse God? Perhaps ultimately that is what Cain did. The Bible says “for Cain and his offering He had no regard. So Cain became very angry”, the Bible never states that Cain was angry with his brother.
*********Circle of Self Hate****************
If one has inscribed his or her own name in a circle of hate the question is why? There are likely numerous reasons for this situation, one of which would be guilt. I believe all people have a circle of love in their hearts for God, atheists just aren’t aware of it. Does a sinner’s sense of guilt emanate from God? Can the sense guilt itself be a connection with the divine? Is not true guilt the sinners perception of God’s rage? How does a sinner in denial of his or her sins perceive God’s rage?
Different religious beliefs have different beliefs concerning the relationship between Humanity and God. My understanding of the Christian perspective is that a persons relationship with God is primarily defined by his or her relationships with others. The Bible says “God is Love”(). Love is a relationship. Love is a relationship that resonates between individuals. The sins one commits against his or her fellows, if unresolved, become obstructions between the sinner and God’s Love.
***The Circle Game Can Get Confusing***
It is possible to have the same name within both a Circle of Love and a Circle of Hate. The name could be a family member, God, or even your own name.
? The difference between anger and hate. Anger is meant to chastise and improve, hate is meant to destroy.
***The Topography of the Heart***
?????????????????
Circles of Love and circles of hate can represent the terrain of the human heart. A topographical map shows elevation in terms of concentric boundaries. The Circle Game can reveal intensity of emotions in terms of concentric circles and the nature of their boundaries. From the circles of Love come caring empathetic feelings. From the circles of hate come cruel sadistic feelings.
****Some additional thoughts on Heart Circles, coming soon****************
An interesting circle that parallels a Circle of Love is the circle around the table for a holiday meal. Death, divorce, births, marriages and family feuds may affect the seating arrangement and
invitation lists.
????????family feast circles
????Jesus wedding banquet,
???????? “I want” circles, pioneers etc,
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Son of Man: To God He is the Embodiment of Man.
Son of God: To Man He is the Embodiment of God.
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******Cruciferae ****************
Unless you can prove that God does not exist, you have room for faith. If you have a little faith and a lot of imagination you can see a mustard tree………….
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The old man knelt in his garden and wept. He had such little faith that in desperation he planted a tiny mustard seed. No tree grew only a plant, not much more than knee high. His weeping stopped when he noticed the tiny flowers.
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3 4 1: The Father is Love. The Son is Love for humanity. The Holy Spirit is Love for the individual, It is the very center of your soul.
******************
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*****Witches Rule, Dogs Drool and Cats are Cruel********
Show mockup v1 9/9/2011
By Marckie and Morganna
***Episode 1: “Go asleep my little chick peep!”***********
This story happens shortly after Satan of Mankind’s earthly demise. Oh don’t weep for him, he died with his friends, playing his favorite sport. But at the instant of death Satan realized he faced a dilemma…In an earlier incarnation he sipped wine from Christ’s cup, thereby making his soul immortal and, in his current incarnation, Christ told him that he would not be allowed to enter the Kingdom of Heaven and so at the very instant his death. The Devil’s soul searched for and found souls calling to him, singing a song that was irresistible to his soul, an ancient love song. So it came to pass that The Witches ensnared the Captain’s soul, took over control of his Star Ship, “The Capricorn” and renamed it “The Titanic”…
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Brought to you in part by “Titanic Records”
add here to sell “Pajama Game“….
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“Buy sexual? Did you say buy sexual? Hell, I’d buy just about anything sexual, If I had the money!”
Mad Hatter
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Knock on wood
Make the sign of the Cross
Thank God, and acknowledge The Boss
(C&C)
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He is a clever man and up to the part
And we’re going to help him to
Have a good heart
(C&C)
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The new cat in the house sends you a greeting.
And I send a poem
That I think's worth repeating…..
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*(PSA Using psilocybin mushrooms is dangerous. Seek the help of an expert!)*
Diamonds in Dung
Walking through tall grass
I start to wonder….
About great herds that once sounded like thunder.
And
What was left in a buffalo pie?
Left to cook
Beneath a prairie sky?
I search for wisdom in tall grass
On dung that fell
from a horse’s ass.
What! Oh, what! Oh, what is the answer!
What does it take to be a
Holy Ghost Dancer?
***************************
Think like a fox
And act like a dove
The Prince of Peace
Is The Son of LOVE!
************
Whether we do it on
hands and knees
Or our back
We trust the Lord will give us slack
*
Saint Malarkey
********************
Mother Mary
Full of grapes
Please help us here
On our
Planet of Apes
The above poem was inspired by a child’s misunderstanding
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Fall on your knees
and
Praise The Lord
Say you’re sorry for your sins
That’s the way mental health begins
****************
When humans first asked “Why?”
They built a pyramids to the sky.
They offered human sacrifice
Victims had no choice.
Until Abraham heard The Voice.
Self-sacrifice is the only sacrifice that God does ask
And there was One was up to the task
He said “give your wealth to the needy
Share what you have
Don’t be greedy
Love your enemy and turn the other cheek
the world will someday belong to the meek.”
Those were thoughts that few did seek
So He offered Himself upon the cross
I believe
That the time is soon coming
When the whole world will call Him Boss.
I believe
On planets near and far
Sentient species built pyramids to the sky
They offered sacrifices to their star
And on some planets a story the same story is told
A story of the Creator, LOVE and
A selfless child and Its sibling, the selfish one
I believe There is little new under our Sun
That hasn’t happened on an other, star whether near or whether far.
*post script*
I believe that here on Earth
Able was so perfect that
God put Holy Spirit in His heart
Cain was angry with God for blessing his brother, and murdered him in order to hurt God
The Holy Spirit personified It Self in Jesus Christ, born to The Virgin Mary
Jesus is The Savior of our species, and Cain is the Pathetic Devil, soon to be known as Holy Feces.
******************
To date there has not been a Ghost that in not a Saint
And Heaven is where they all dwell
And perhaps soon there will be a ghost
Whose Heart is Hell
********************************
I am not a fallen angel but a risen devil
Half way to Heaven and half way to Hell
The Planet of the Sentient Apes is where
You and I dwell
*************************
***********************
Between the dirt and the sky
Between Heaven and Hell
Is the land upon which we dwell
It’s a place of apes and sweet tasting grapes
Of the tragic and the divine
Of Holy Shit and The Sacred Wine
*******************
A pinch of pity is often all it does take
To turn devil’s food to marble cake
***********************
She’ll no doubt be a saint
But an angel she ain’t
*********************
I prayed and I cried
And I let my brain get fried
So from time to time they take pity on me
And tell me a joke
Before I disappear
Like holy smoke
****************************
Metaphysical speculation corner
This universe is multidimensional and one or more of dimemensions intersect with a parrallel universe and that universe is Kingdom of Heaven.
“The Kingdom of Heaven is near at hand”
******************************************
******************************
On the instant of death a person experiences his existence as God has felt it it.
*****************************
I believe that when praying to a Saint
One should first as Christ to make the The Holy Ghost Connection
And always remember that every Saint and Angle is one with Christ
And Christ is one with the Father
And please don’t find it odd….
Because every Saint, is the Face of God
***********************
*********************************
Medicine Man In Training recipes
1 pray every morning
**********************
This recipe is a mescaline type drug
It is only recommended for people on a Spirrit quest
It is slightly toxic
You need two mugs a microwave oven and a tea strainer
In one cup add
1 t. white vinagar
1 t. cinnamon
2 t. garlic powder
Add
4 t. coffee grounds to mug of boiling water
Reheat in microwave for 30 seconds (back to a boil)
Pour though strainer into the mug that has the ingredients
Microwave for concoction for about 30 seconds (back to a boil)
Let cool
Stir and drink
As of this minute I am waiting to see
If I am going to barf and or hulicinate and go on a vision quest
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Ecstasy (maybe)